don't tell mom, the babysitter's dead.

practically perfect.

the reality of playing nanny for a week is quite different from the magical-happyland i'd imagined. i pictured myself cooking wonderfully balanced meals while the children did their homework, laughing and playing together. we'd do crafts and sing and go on adventures to the library... as butterflies and sparkle fairy dust and little angels floated all around us. wait...what?!

in the interest of full disclosure, lovebug 1 and 2 are actually some of the most well-behaved, well-mannered, bright, and freakin' cute kids in all of the world. i guarantee you that my own children will be un-tamable beasts in comparison. with that being said... they're still kids, and i'm not their parent.

day 1: straight out of a babysitter's club fairy-tale. probably because having me around was still new and shiny and fabulous.
and then it was monday...
school, homework and all those other ordinary-everyday-things... will wear the shine off of a new babysitter real quick! the first of my happyland dreams was shattered at breakfast. you see, when people say "kids are picky eaters" that doesn't just mean they eat a lot of junk food and candy. sometimes that means they just don't like what seems obvious to every other reasonably functioning human being on the planet! for example, lovebug 2 does not like butter on his waffles. does not like it so much in fact that he refuses to eat them. duly noted, sir. one pefectly buttered, syrupy waffle in the trashcan... one perfectly un-buttered, still syrupy waffle coming right up. there were a few other entertaining meltdowns, and then i was introduced to the most well-guarded of parenting secrets.

if bribing children is wrong, i have no interest in being right, ever. trust me, there are no words more powerful than 'if you (fill in the blank) you can play legos/play in your room/watch cartoons/wear your silly-bandz/have a popsicle.' this is the kind of power that could, literally, be dangerous in the wrong hands. i learned this little trick from a real-life mom. 1 and 2's aunt happens to be my bff. i called her a few times (ok everyday) this week for general parenting rules and restrictions. there is truly no better line of defense than a mom.

but somewhere between "that's not how my mom does it!" and "you're about to lose your tv privileges!" there are sweet, sweet moments:
-piled four-deep in bed, between the love bugs and a sweet pooch taking turns saying our prayers.
-when bug 2 (who weighs about 40lbs soaking wet) opens my car door because, and i quote, 'that's what boys do for ladies.'
-when buggy 1 stands as close as possible and holds onto the edge of my cardigan, to get just a little closer.
it's all better than i could have imagined... plus sparkly dust seems like it would be hell to clean up!

things i wish i knew yesterday:
1. it takes a village. and in that village you should have at least one person who will come and 'dispose' of the opossum caught in a trap in the garage.
2. i am confident that i could convince any kid, anywhere, anytime to do anything, with just one m&m cookie and a box of silly-bandz.
3. my definition of 'balanced meal' has been expanded to include: corn dogs, mac & cheese and instant pudding.
4. i still don't, and probably won't ever, enjoy playing legos.