a how-to.

this is always the time of year that i start to feel very... domestic. now, don't get me wrong, i live to be paula deen and i have had my own subscription to southern living magazine since i was 9, but the holidays seem to kick my inner 'susie homemaker' into beast mode. perhaps it's all the baking, christmas tree decorating, table setting and wine drinking.

which brings us to wrapping gifts. somewhere around the wise old age of 16, i made a list of skills every 'good woman' should possess. being able to make a beautiful bow was a skill on that list, baking a pie was another; there are 17 in all. you can judge me if you like... but, i like pretty things. and i like makin' 'em. besides, it would be very difficult for me to maintain my status as a founding member of the columbus jr. league (which technically doesn't exist yet) if i didn't know how to make a bow. so every december i pull out my bow making supplies.... and every december i curse my stupid 'good woman' ideals.

bow-making is hard! i can say that because in high school, i took floral design. that's all you do in that class.. make bows and hot glue stuff. and now that i really think about, that is just about the time my 'good woman' list was created... way.to.go.agriculture.education! today was day one of present wrapping, and as of today i've made two bows.. two-in-a-day! needless to say, if you don't get a gift with a bow on it... it's because i'm baking you a pie.

things i wish i knew yesterday:
1. people don't care if the bow on top is crappy; they care if the gift inside is crappy.
2. i've gotta focus on the skills at which i excel: making chicken fried steak, tying a tie, setting a table.
3. i did not get an 'a' in floral design.
4. sample bows will be required with jr. league applications.

rain check: rapture.

awkward, party of one.

this recent doomsday scare has really helped me to put things in perspective. i've realized that it's time to get back to what's important... blogging. i was also pretty certain that most of you, knowing my pure heart, were convinced that i had actually been taken up in the rapture.

i wish i had a legit excuse for my blogging absence such as, i don't know, calculating the end of time. but alas, it's that i'm lazy. i can't even begin to catch you up on all of the things i've been doing because of the embarrassing amounts of 'couch sitting,' 'tv watching' and 'lollygagging' that have filled my schedule. really i've just been working- teaching the future of america to read good, applying for jobs- see state-wide teacher layoffs, and maintaining the man chasing booze-hound lifestyle to which i've become accustomed.

this week has been my least favorite of the year. don't get me wrong, the world not ending was a neat surprise. but it's the last week of school and that means that once again, at the ripe-old-age of 27, i am unemployed. clearly, this is not ideal. i've spent a great deal of time questioning whether or not this career change was a good idea, debating if i should just pack it in and go back to the profession i left, and wallowing in the sad fact that i live with my parents. so, i allowed myself one day to be bitter, pitiful and otherwise unpleasant and then immediately self-administered a swift kick in the ass. and i'm back! back to applying for 1285 jobs each day, back to being positive and most importantly... back to blogging!

things i wish i knew yesterday:
1. when you finally figure out what it is you want to do for the rest of your life... there's just no lettin' it go.
2. there is literally no better motivation than whitesnake's 'here i go again,' a bottle of skinny-girl margaritas and a best friend.
3. living with your parents is decidedly less shameful than miscalculating the end of time... twice.