.
all my rowdy friends are... having babies? as per my usual holiday schedule i've spent every waking moment (and some sleeping) with family and friends. at this stage in my life that means there are exactly 2983.9 children, under the age of 7, running around all jacked up on 'santa's coming!!' to add to the excitement my best friend has just announced that she and her husband will welcome a baby boy in april!!!!!! ahh!! too excited to type!!! with all this baby-havin', kid-screamin', santa-visitin' good time i am often left with the feeling that i am truly missing something. i'm 27, and that's prime baby-making time. i love children, so much in fact i've dedicated my career to teaching them. and i want to be someone's mom. as the holidays rolled on my biological clock and i were feeling a little less holiday spirit and a lot more lonely. then God, in all of His infinite wisdom and humor, reality-checked me and my little clock!
act I, scene I: a group of us are at a shwanky restaurant celebrating my friend's bday. the wine is flowing, the oysters have been served (not that i noticed over the flowing wine), and a lot of inappropriate adult conversation has commenced. bliss. enter my bff's 17-month-old knocking over a glass of water and screeching with glee. 1st spill, i'm fine... by the 3rd spill, my biological clock and i were taking a synchronized dive into another bottle of wine. i love this baby with all of my heart, and i would babysit him 366 days a year, but at that moment all i could think was "i love this kid, but i love more that he's not my kid."
act I, scene II: my bff's sister has two of the most precious baby girls in all of the world; one of which is in the potty training stage of her sweet little life. so we're enjoying a fun holiday afternoon of baking with girlfriends when sweet baby trainee chooses to forgo the potty for her diaper. insert my horror at 1. the smell. and 2. the realization that we didn't have any diapers. we now have to go home but there's a hitch, sweet-baby-smelly-pants is hysterical about having to sit in her car seat with said smelly pants. picture this: me driving a minivan. enough said. but add that i'm jamming out to cee-lo's 'forget you' on the radio, sweet pie 1 is in her car seat, and mommy is holding smelly sweet pie in the very back of the minivan, as i drive us home. maybe it's that i was paralyzed with panic when i heard the words, 'we don't have any diapers.' maybe it's that my first thought was to take a water hose to this precious child. maybe it's that, without regard for the freezing temperatures or the child's feelings, i rolled down every window of the minivan upon her entering. either way my biological clock and i came to the resounding consensus that i am just not ready... yet.
things i wish i knew yesterday:
1. i really don't want a minivan. ever.
2. my kids will be darn lucky if i am even half as great as the wonderful moms by which i am surrounded.
3. i do have a very genuine and real motherly instinct... it's just not as strong as my very genuine and real love for consuming copious amounts of alcohol.
4. if potty training a kid is anything like house training a dog, it's not looking good for my offspring.
